Have you ever said, “I’m a born worrier?” Well, there isn’t a genetic component to worrying so so how did you convince yourself that that is just the way you are?
Some of us are convinced worrying is helping and even may resist learning how to let go of it. For instance, one worry researcher reported a man worried every day that he might be trampled by a herd of elephants. Since it hadn’t happened yet, his worrying must be working.
Worriers often believe that their worrying is necessary to keep bad things from happening. Research suggests that about 90% of the things people worry about never happen. Are they preventing them or were they never a real possibility?
Turns out that worrying is a habit of thinking. And it is often supported by a lack of confidence in one’s ability to problem solve. Worriers are just as good at finding solutions as the rest of the population, they just don’t feel confident in their ability to do so.
What gets in the way is anxiety. So when we are worrying, we are expressing anxiety that may in fact make it more difficult to think of solutions. So how do we stop worrying? The best way to address chronic worrying is to address the anxiety underlying it.
Dr. Steven Hayes, ACT developer, suggests six steps:
1. Let go of thinking of anxiety as something that is bad.
We need anxiety – it gets us out of the way when the bus is
coming at us and helps us perform better.
2. Open up to your anxiety because below it are other emotions
that need your attention.
3. Let go of the idea of controlling your emotions. They are
simply messengers calling for your attention. Ignored, they may
get expressed in other ways like illness, irritability, or overwhelm.
4. Look at the other side of anxiety. It is a messenger letting
you know what you really care about.
5. Listen to your body and focus less on solving problems and
more on experiencing emotions in the body. Allowing them to be
present allows them to move on.
6. Don’t cling to ‘good’ feelings because everything changes.
Emotions can’t be fixed – they must come and go. Let them.
(Psychology Today, Oct 2021)
